Hello! Today I read a blog post on something that really catch my attention. I was doing some blog reading, as usual, when I came across a blog post from Essential Twenty [@SophieMills] She was saying something right: IT'S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY. That was the quote that make me reflects a little bit about being human, and what this leads to. That's why I'm sharing my little story, today. I want to be 100% me on this little corner I've built, there's no need to faking here, or try to be someone else.
I've never been a 'common' girl. I mean, I've always been shy and introvert since when I was little. I've always been scared of many things and I enjoyed, even to much, being on my own. My mind has always been my safe place, when I wanted to hyde from family problems, school arguments and incomprehension. I think that's why changes in general, always makes me nervous and overthinking way to much, today.
I had my first panic attack in 2013. Me and Matteo were going to Madrid for a few days in July. I've never get on a plane before then. So as you can tell, I was scared. Even if I was desperately trying to convince myself I wasn't. Once get on the plane, my hands looked so white and I was feeling like I couldn't move them. My thumb wasn't opposable anymore! I can quite remember what happened when the plane has take off.
I was choking. I was feeling all this pressure against me, like someone was pressing a pillow against my face. I was immerse in darkness, feeling my hands floating in front of me. Has been awful! As much as I wanted to, I wasn't able to get out of that situation.
I'm writing this because I want to get through this. When I say someone that I had a panic attack, seems like they don't fully understand HOW you can feel in that moment. You can't control yourself and your emotions, you can't do anything to stop it. It is like a mirage in the desert, you just have to get through it! Whether you like it or not.
I had other two 'big' panic attacks since then, but I'm trying to not dwell on too much. I don't want anxiety taking over my life. I hope that someone can relate to this. I would love if we could share our fears and opinion about a delicate topics like this. I hope to not being alone.
If you have any thoughts, please share!
lots of love, federica